On Tao returning to Bangkok

Greetings, all, John here. I was pleased to see Tanya post a selection of pics of her lovely city returning to life. One of the interesting things about photographs is that the choice of image tells us so much about what the photographer chooses to see.

Not surprisingly then, these reflect Tanya’s instinctive turn of mind. These are not photos of perspectives or vistas – these are people, “ordinary” people; those who are corpuscles in the lifeblood of the city.

Notice too, that they are all caught in the act of inter-relating; speaking, sharing, nurturing, supporting, negotiating; all the individual postures in life that, seen together, narrate the ballet of human existence.

And, too, the essential restless swirl of the energy of life; channeled but never fully directed.

I wanted to offer a few thoughts of my own, and they became this little poem.

Peace to all, john.

The Return of Tao to Bangkok

Looked at all your photos - and I saw
the immense will of life to go on.
After every storm, the sea returns to its' natural condition;
The leviathins come and go with the aspects of the stars,
While empires rise and fall in the cycles of tidal pools.
Immense and microscopic at the same time;
Mute while eloquent;
Irrepressible and fragile;
Infinitely individuated and remorselessly uniform.
Eternal in its' self yet transient within our portion.
The song of the day within the silence of galaxies.

Introducing John and Dylan Blue

Examples of John's work.Various media and all beautiful in their own right.


















To my Dear Friends,
In my last post I mentioned John would be joining with me in making AardvarkSilver grow. I am limited here in what I am to do alone for many reasons,not least the fact that shipping times are way too long to allow for customers to plan projects right now.
And so I will let John speak.


Greetings, all. I am John Madsen, who runs Dylan Blue. Tanya has described us as "joining forces", so I wanted to share my take on that decision and let you know how I feel about it.

So that you'll understand my perspective, a bit about me. I'm 56, a granddad, and a refugee in flight from Corporate America. In the first 30 years of my adult life I moved around through functions such as food service manager, firefighter, computer programmer, military service, production supervisor and manager, sales and marketing, and general manager of a paper-recycling business.
On the side, I was always interested in art - drawing and painting, guitar and percussion, writing and theater. When our kids moved out, I had to grapple with depression which turned into a horrible emotional crash.

However, in recovering from all of that, I've worked at developing myself as an artisan and seeker, through my jewelry and writing and painting.

Tanya and I met online not quite a year ago through a mutual friend, Meredith of CraftyGAGalCreations. Almost from day one things occurred that showed me that I could communicate with Tanya in ways that were new to my experience of what business was all about.So very very different from the regular sales world.

In the ensuing months, I've come to understand Tanya as an individual who combines a wonderful heart with an angelic spirit and a world-class mind. Needless to say, such a person is compels a huge amount of affection and respect, and it is an honor to join forces to make this grow.

Not surprisingly, I've viewed the place Tanya has created in cyberspace as being similarly unique - a place where commerce and art and human values co-exist cheerfully and in community. How cool is that? Massive Cool. In this day and age of the almighty dollar it is refreshing to see heart in a business.

After getting over the initial shock that Tanya accepted my offer to join with her I've begun to see the possibilities and I am full of gratitude and humility for the chance to be a part of making this into an even larger community that benefits all. My place will be to facilitate the growth of Tanya's vision, and contribute my own work and art at a later time.

My first goal will be to always ensure that the enterprise continues to be suffused with Tanya-ness; that it continue to look and feel exactly as it has. Tanya has plans for growth, and I truly believe that I can assist in bringing them to be in ways that are both creative and effective. Tanya is an integral part of all that goes on and as "the Aardvark" she is there as well.

So - that's my story. I look forward to working and playing and seeking and sharing with this community, and hope that you will find my efforts to be of use to you in your works and journeys.

Peace an' love, you-all, john

Bangkok May 2010

The city I live in is in turmoil and is very very unsettled. Many are injured and others have died. We have had momentary lulls of quiet and almost normality followed by times of violence and tension. The fear at times is so tangible that you could almost cut it.

There are soldiers in odd places and police all about. There are barricades and walls of tyres and bamboo poles in one of the main trading areas. The major department stores in parts of town are shut and public transport can be erratic.The buses run along strange routes to bypass all the problem areas and the trains can be closed without warning causing many to be stranded. The water ways used to get about are also shut down for an unspecified time. Last night many Thai people faced long long walks home as the train systems were closed unexpectedly and taxis were not running as usual.

The shooting and fighting is happening not far from my little room and whilst I am safe as long as I dont venture too far out of my little street it still impacts in a huge way as the sirens are audible at all hours.

I have been wondering what to do next. My savings were depleted by my last foray into the health system here and I am currently not able to go back to teaching whilst the students are directed elsewhere.

So what next?????

After much asking and much searching answers have come.

Aardvark Silver is moving to the United States. We are merging with Dylan Blue to work together as a team whilst remaining two separate identities. The logistics of delivery and parcel handling will all be handled from the US. I am staying on in many roles I have been performing but will be still in Bangkok. John Madsen from Dylan Blue will be a great asset to the team and will provide means for Aardvark Silver to continue in a normal fashion.

What does this mean for all of you? All the customers,supporters and friends of Aardvark Silver? Well it means you get your supplies a lot more quickly if you are US based and possibly within the same time frame or slightly faster if you are European based.

This transition will be taking place over the next few days and hopefully by early next week all silver parcels and shipments will be from the US. As far as Aardvark on Artfire...We are changing that a little to just cater for gems,pearls (when I get them) and beads and will change logos soon.It will still be part of the Aardvark family and as we grow we will move that to the US base as well.
A new Artfire store will be opening in the next few days and will be AardvarkSilver on Artfire. I'll keep you posted.

As we make the transition we will be sending you updates via the fan page, newsletters from the web page and blogging more to let you know what is happening.

We expect to have a few new promotions happening in the next few weeks that will be exciting for you as they are for us to share.

So what to expect?? Faster delivery times,the same great service and excellent products, lots of new items as we add to the inventory and expand. Great ideas and new product lines are in the pipeline.
Why am I doing this? To show you that I care enough to make sure you can still get the same great products, more quickly but also at the best possible prices.

I can hear you...Yes I can. Tanya why dont you leave????
Well I have no funds left and I am still not allowed to fly as my head is still having issues of its own. This new way of working will allow for business as usual,will help me to work at accumulating savings and then I can go overland to seek healthcare elsewhere.

And so I ask you for your continued support.

If you have any questions please dont hesitate to email me at aardvarksilver@yahoo.com I will happy to answer any and all emails.

Thank you

Light and Love to all

Tanya

Happy Mothers Day

It has been a little over a week since I got home and I am now feeling more human. I still have a headache for now but am working on that. I'll keep you all updated about how it is going.

I wanted to wish all the Mothers and Mothers to be the Bestest day.
It is always a moment of reflection when this day comes about.Times of great Joy and times of great sadness.
May you never take for granted the little things that make Mothering such a special task.
And for those in the middle of a mad scramble to get through a day because there is so so much to do please enjoy it as much as you can.Within the blink of an eye (or so it feels) it is all gone past and you wonder where it went.
And so moving forward into the next steps.

I wish to leave you all with this. It was written by a dear friend of mine Alfred John Sole.

"Open your mouth and spray me with Diamonds,
I'll open my heart and receive them all.
I'll cherish and make them part of my memory
To take out and polish whenever I please."

Light and Love to all
Tanya

I'm HOME

First picture is 9th floor.It is the 2 bed cubicle I spent the last 21 days in.I know the cupboards to the left side of the photo very very well.I felt my way along them often.
They are where the linen for the ward is stored and so everytime linen was needed my bed was banged by the nurse as the cupboard was opened and closed.24 hours a day,7 days a week.I didn't get great rest.
The other photo is 5th floor.No Air Conditioning and very dirty.




I got home late last night after 21 days in a Thai Government Teaching Hospital.
Please Ladies and Gentlemen,If you EVER EVER get sick PLEASE,PLEASE go to a REAL hospital in another country.
I was admitted on the 9th April with the headache that has been standard since I have been being treated in this country for Intracranial hypertension.Ok all well and good.They found me a bed with some speed this time which kind of suggested I now had a history in this place and they knew that there was a problem. The neurosurgeon organised for a plain abdominal xray and arranged of a lumbar puncture to be performed later in the day.
So I went and had my xray and he comes back with, No puncture but we are going to give you an enema to see if that helps to reduce the intra-abdominal pressure so that your shunt can drain properly.
Now at this point in time I begin to protest because the previous night I had spent sitting in my bathroom with the worst case of the runs I have had in ever so long and so I KNOW I dont have a stopped up colon.
Ok so they do the enema and the result is more of the runs and the headache is intact.
NEXT>>>>>>>
So now they give me a shot of something for pain. It seems I am able to tolerate Fentenyl as a drug for pain relief (I am allergic to most other pain medications and a few other medications as well). I spend the rest of Friday and Saturday in the disgustingly dirty 48 bed crowded ward before the young resident finally says on Sunday morning I will get you a bed on the 9th floor. Pictures attached.
So I move floors.
Monday morning comes and I am supposed to see my surgeon. It seems that at one point when I spent 2 minutes in the bathroom my Dr came to see me and then he went on holidays for the next 8 days. In fact he was on the ward when I came back from the bathroom (I saw him) and he chose to "not" see me as I went back to my bed.
So now I have spent nearly 4 days in hospital with NO treatment and NO investigations done.
AND at this point in time I havent even been told my Dr has gone away,I find this out two days later.
I found out because I refused to leave when my headache got so bad I couldnt see and they still hadnt done more than give me pain medication. So finally the resident neurosurgeon got permission on the telephone from my Dr,who is now on holidays, to do a lumbar puncture to check to see if the shunt that had been revised in the last surgery I had is actually working or not.
Wed 14th April they do the puncture to find the pressure is 30.Normal pressure is seen to be 13.Yes I have a headache and NO the revised shunt is NOT working.
Ok we have established now that there is a problem.
NEXT>>>>>

NEXT>>>>>>

NEXT>>>>>

Thats right, There is no next. I wait until late Monday 19th (7.30pm to be exact) before the Dr actually takes the time to come and visit me and confirm that yes I have a problem and yes we need to get it looked at and what will we do next.
Ok so he has no idea.
Next morning he was supposed to come back and see me.NO visit
Wednesday NO visit.He stopped in to see a patient in a bed in the cubicle behind me but didnt even have the curtesy to ask how I was. And all this time they are pumping me full of a highly addictive pain medication.
So Thursday he comes to see me and tells me they will do an MRI with Flow studies of the brain to check what is happening there.Now by now my head is hurting so much I would be happy for him to cut my head open and take my brain out. So I spend the $500 and get another MRI which once again tells me my brain is perfectly normal and is behaving perfectly normally and that there is no reason for them to cut my head open or to even put a drain in my head. OK so this is good news.
Friday he tells me this and also tells me he has been consulting with his neurosurgical colleagues and they say put in a V-A shunt. A shunt from the Ventricle to the Right Atrium.They very procedure he has been saying from day 1 he will not do because my ventricles are too small and the risk of collapse and malfunction is too great and the need for revision often would be high.But now this is the ONLY option and the only one he will offer.
So I asked him to take a look at my LP shunt one more time.Ok so I go off for a CT of my abdomen with contrast, A $450 xray that shows that the shunt tip has now migrated by 8 inches even though it was supposed to have been anchored securely and now sits under my liver instead of on the left side of my body where it had been moved to during the last surgery when he did the last revision.
NOW I am really scared.This piece of plastic is now travelling about unsecured inside my belly.It now can puncture something it shouldnt and possibly cause peritonitis and then menigitis as the germs travel up the tubing to the brain. Time for it to come out.

I had the shunt removed on Tuesday 27th. I had stopped having pain injections about a week before because they were sending me crazy and I was losing all sense of reality.

I spent 3 weeks in the hospital in a small bed with nurses who would run away from me rather than help me most times.(I think they were scared I would speak English to them). On several occasions I had to be very persistent about basic necessities such as water to bathe with as I was unable to shower for most of the time I was confined in the hospital.One time the nurse came to my two bed cubicle spoke to the other woman asking her is she needed water or would shower by herself and when the woman didnt need water the nurse looked at me and ran off with the bowl of water I needed.Later that morning the nursing staff were roundly told off by the senior sister because I had been unable to bathe and change my pajamas in time for the Drs to visit.Its was a battle I had a few more times.

Often Thai people would walk past the open area to my cubicle and stop and stare at me like I was a circus curiosity.Like they hadnt seen a white person ever before.And passing people in the hall was very difficult because they stopped and stared and often times stood in my way so I had to go around.Very very difficult when I was relying on holding onto the wall to keep my balance and to keep upright.The nurses were too busy to assist me to walk to the bathroom 8-10 times a day and so I knew the bumps and divets on that wall intimately and so could close my eyes and know exactly where I was in relation to my bed and the bathroom at any point. I often had my eyes closed due to the pain in my head.

Having an IV inserted was a whole other nightmare.The last ones I directed the which nurses were allowed to touch my veins and where they were even allowed to attempt. This came about after one nurse tried to insert a cannula inside my right wrist and hit a nerve that sent pain shooting into my fingers.Electricity that still shoots into my fingers when I move my hand in certain directions.I wonder how long it will be before that damage heals?

So what have I gotten out of my experience?
I have had 4 surgeries. I have spent approx $4500 (conservative estimate, this was wages paid and sales after I had my heart surgery completed) and 7 weeks in and out of hospital. I have a series of xrays which may or may not be of use later due to the conditions they were taken under no matter how much I paid for them and I have 3 incision sites that are healing. The shunt that they inserted was destroyed even though I paid in excess of $450 for it because they chose to not allow me to have it even though it was my property and I paid for it.No refund on that one either. The reason was that it could be dirty and spread infection.The woman in the bed next to nme was allowed to keep her kidney stone. That couldnt even be sterlised unlike a simple piece of plastic. I wonder what was really wrong with the shunt that they wouldnt give it to me? Makes me wonder?
I have several damaged veins that may or may not heal to fully functionality, I have a damaged nerve in my right wrist and apparently I may have a hole in the spinal covering where the shunt had been inserted that may or may not heal by itself.

Oh and I still have my original condition.UNCHANGED.

So where do I go from here?
Right now I am home and am enjoying being in my own safe space with my own familiar things.Over the next few weeks I will work out what comes next.I have a few ideas forming but nothing concrete yet.I have to go back to work headache or no headache because I have no money now and so I will go from there.
Slowly but surely.
I want to thank you all for your Love and Care and Well Wishes.I am sure that is what has kept me alive and safe during the last few weeks.I do know without your support I would not be here as I am.
I am going to post more news more often.Better news and new things that are more exciting and better to read and share.
Thank you all
Light and Love
Tanya

Finally an UPdate

The pics with me sitting is post op second op.Oxygen and staring eyes,still so drugged from theatre.Yes I went home about an hour after this was taken.
The blurry pic is the ER.70 beds jammed in an open space and everyone coming and going.No screens,no privacy and noise and screams and lights and that was an experience.
The other pic is my 45 bed ward where I went post op the first time after the shunt was placed.Side by side crammed in and in so dirty.Heaven for bacteria.Makes me wonder why they dont have more post op infections.I was glad to go home in many ways.





After my last post so much has happened.I have not been able to do this any sooner.I apologise for that.

5th March I had a Lumbar Peritoneal shunt put into my body.It runs from the lower spine to the front of my belly (on the inside) where it is supposed to drain. I came home after less than 24 hours and no drugs post op due to allergy and so slept a lot.No drugs anytime,I cant even have an aspirin or whatever your painkiller of choice is.

I had two days with NO headache and it was bliss.
My incisions were healing nicely and all seemed well.

Ok so on 18th March,Wednesday, I am back to the Dr. My head is set to explode again. A lumbar puncture that had me screaming in pain ( this is abnormal.Usually I dont move or make a sound.It was torture really) and the realization that the shunt is not draining.OMG what next.An overnight stay in the ER because there are no beds.

Back to theatre Thursday morning for a shunt revision.
I wake and he tells me , "The shunt drains outside of your body with no problems.I put it back and now wait and see'
Home after 6 hours because there IS NO BED.I was put on a hospital gurney and parked in a spare room.

Friday I dont have a headache and this is a good sign.By Saturday it is not happy again.And I cant do anymore.Yes this is the "I cannot " post for my status on Facebook.I am not able to do much on the computer for more than a few minutes at a time and so that is why I have not opened it much. It has taken me days to get this together.

Back to the surgeon yesterday.Stitches from the second op out and he says "Ok we can move the shunt to the other side of your belly" But what will that do? No idea if it will change anything .I said No
Ok so we can put one in from your head. This option was tossed out at the very start BECAUSE I dont have enough room in the area he would have to put it to not cause brain damage. I told him NO WAY!!!! He agrees because he know it will cause even more issues.He suggested it because he is running out of options.

Ok so next.........



And I got "I dont know".

Ok so this is honest.I can live with that.
So I tell him I want a scan of my lower spine to rule out other stuff and he agrees.
Yesterdays MRI is done and now I have to wait until Monday to know what is next.

My head.Well the pressure is off a little so it is not bad ALL the time BUT now I have these lovely headaches that are like a knife in the side of my head.....A bit like someone has grabbed your eyeball and is dragging it into the back of your throat.And they hit when ever and I find myself literally on the floor.A cough, a sneeze, even to go to the bathroom brings this one on.Crawl back to bed and wait it out.

Surgery is again on the horizon.I pray this one will be the last.I dont quite know yet what he will agree to do but I also pray that Someone upstairs guides the dear Dr to answers.They have to come soon.

Thinking of you all often even if I dont write

Light and Love
Tanya xxxx

The Neurosurgeon

This is a picture of the placement of a Lumboperitneal shunt.


After waiting for nearly 2 hours to see the Surgeon today and feeling the room spin I was so glad I waited. The Dr is a lovely guy who took the time to listen to me and to then tell me I really am not crazy when I talk about the "rain" sound I get in my head or when I tell him my eye feels like it is about 10 inches outside of my face.
And after he checked all my Xrays,(Yes all 15 packets of them) and looked in my eyes and tested them he said," So how long have you had this set of symptoms?" and "Why weren't they treated sooner?".
I nearly fell off the chair. I have been looking for a Dr to actually see what was obviously a problem and not tell me I am a neurotic housewife that needs to take anti-depressants and get a life.

And the verdict is that I am going to be treated for Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (the idiopathic word means from no detectable cause) and have a lumbo-peritoneal shunt put in. 3 hours in theatre and then recovery after. After 48 hours if my symptoms are worse he will take it out and do a decompression. Yes what fun. Two surgeries possibly. Oh well as long as I dont lose any more eye sight.

The best news of the day is that I may get some of my vision back again. As we take the pressure off the optic nerve permanently it may function better.YAY!!! I will be able to see clearly.Hopefully.

So when? I can hear you all LOL
If a bed is available I will be in tomorrow night for a Friday procedure and if not then early next week.Yes that fast. It needs to be done now so my eyes can have a chance.
Its a teaching hospital ad so there are loads of upcoming med students that will come and check out my head LOL.It is quite a rare thing to see here so they come and look when they can and that is all good too.

So all good.I will be in hospital 3-5 days depending what I end up with and home after that.Business is closed but I may be able to check email.I may also be able to check FB which will be fun.Or at least post.We'll see if I am up to it all LOL

Ok lovely friends.I think that about sums it up. Any questions? Please ask.

Light and Love to all
Tanya xxxxxx